Emirates Parent Plus. June 2010.
I had just clicked ‘send’ on the laptop when my little man, deep in thought, dragged his feet into the room. From experience, I knew that I could not have timed the completion of my job better – this was going be a long chat. Or a really short one, depending on how ‘child-friendly’ his thoughts were.
Leaning on my knee and rocking a little, he slowly started.
“Ma, I am a little worried about when I grow up”.
“Why’s that, sweetheart?”
“Because...”
He had started fiddling with his fingers.
“mmm... because when I grow up, I’ll have a wife...”
Of course, I am glad to know that. But any opening like this is best served with stoic silence, for the climax comes soon enough.
“...and she will have a baby one day...”
The wheels in my head were turning at 11,000 RPM. I had to be ready with either the right answer to satisfy him or the perfect evasive tactic so we would both be satisfied.
“... and then she’ll spend all her time with the baby and I’ll be all alone!”
My head plopped onto his in sheer relief after those tense moments of imagining the worst. And while my dear child snuggled into my arms finding the comfort he seeked, little did he realise that I was holding on to ‘him’ for support.
There I was, wondering, more than often, how he feels about my husband and I snatching a few quality moments together (we do that a lot – a quiet snack away from home, an evening out after bed-time or just a quick team-effort in the kitchen) and here was my little muffin worrying that by asking for my attention, he was making his daddy get ‘all alone’. Oh! The myriad mind of a child – what wonders unfold every now and again!
And how easily we can dismiss innocent feelings that children sometimes voice... A young mind is a mine-field bursting with notions and as carers it becomes our responsibility to tread carefully. In our day, there were questions children were ‘allowed’ to ask and there were answers custom-made to thwart the awkward query. Today, it is believed that for their own good, children must be given the truth presented such that it suits their age and maturity. “Because I told you”, is no more an option to get away with. Every “Why?” must be followed by a probable “Because...”.
The risk, of course, runs as the now fashionable ‘information overload’ that comes with misgivings of its own. So at what point does one decide, “This can wait”?
I have laid out the battle I deal with almost every day. The merits of being fore-armed could not be emphasised more, now that my child is quickly growing out of his ‘little’ status into a young boy still not old enough to be ‘big’. So how does one separate these tags? When I tell my son that he cannot handle a serrated bread knife but can go right ahead and make his own scrummy sandwich and, yet, will have to wait a while longer before he can turn on the toaster unsupervised, he becomes a little frump, totally convinced that it is ‘I’ who is “all confused” and does “not know anything”.
Cute? Yes. True? YES! So now, please tell me, is it time that has grown since we were children or are we letting our children grow up before their time? I am torn between the two schools. While I agree that because of the exposure our children have today, we need to carefully carve their personal awareness; I also vehemently disagree that a child be allowed to question every instruction given. Sometimes, “do this”, should be reason enough for things to be done.
Children are children not solely on the basis of chronology, but because of their innocence. In answering every question ‘accurately’, are we not taking away some of the wonder from their being? I worry that we are compromising the very aspect that makes them so endearing.
Why is it that we marvel endlessly at a child fashioning a cat out of two bangles or flexing a ring out of discarded wire? As children ourselves, we were always improvising. So why is there this hue and cry at a glimpse of natural human behaviour decades after our childhood? These are our children, not robots!
Or, is it that the vast knowledge bank we have made accessible to them has, in turn, made them predictable? Mechanical, even. So much so, that the slightest deviation from the norm inspires frenetic acoustics.
The lengths some of us go to, to celebrate creativity in our children is, quite frankly, laughable. While talent must most certainly be cultivated and even cherished, we need to take a moment and look around. These are children! Their minds are meant to be bereft of any walls. They are springs of only fresh thinking. Creativity IS them.
But the society we keep today and the demands of our lifestyles have somehow engendered a growing detachment from childlike fantasy, impossible characters, star dust and sweet dreams. We know that imagination is the essence of innovation. By inadvertently moulding experience even before it can form, I fear, we are eliminating the very core of novelty.
We spend most of our lives being adults. Our children have but a few years of untainted innocence to look back on forever. I believe it is of utmost importance that we nurture this jewel.
As for potent questions on life at large, surely, we can let those rose tints stay on just that little bit longer.
~
I had just clicked ‘send’ on the laptop when my little man, deep in thought, dragged his feet into the room. From experience, I knew that I could not have timed the completion of my job better – this was going be a long chat. Or a really short one, depending on how ‘child-friendly’ his thoughts were.
Leaning on my knee and rocking a little, he slowly started.
“Ma, I am a little worried about when I grow up”.
“Why’s that, sweetheart?”
“Because...”
He had started fiddling with his fingers.
“mmm... because when I grow up, I’ll have a wife...”
Of course, I am glad to know that. But any opening like this is best served with stoic silence, for the climax comes soon enough.
“...and she will have a baby one day...”
The wheels in my head were turning at 11,000 RPM. I had to be ready with either the right answer to satisfy him or the perfect evasive tactic so we would both be satisfied.
“... and then she’ll spend all her time with the baby and I’ll be all alone!”
My head plopped onto his in sheer relief after those tense moments of imagining the worst. And while my dear child snuggled into my arms finding the comfort he seeked, little did he realise that I was holding on to ‘him’ for support.
There I was, wondering, more than often, how he feels about my husband and I snatching a few quality moments together (we do that a lot – a quiet snack away from home, an evening out after bed-time or just a quick team-effort in the kitchen) and here was my little muffin worrying that by asking for my attention, he was making his daddy get ‘all alone’. Oh! The myriad mind of a child – what wonders unfold every now and again!
And how easily we can dismiss innocent feelings that children sometimes voice... A young mind is a mine-field bursting with notions and as carers it becomes our responsibility to tread carefully. In our day, there were questions children were ‘allowed’ to ask and there were answers custom-made to thwart the awkward query. Today, it is believed that for their own good, children must be given the truth presented such that it suits their age and maturity. “Because I told you”, is no more an option to get away with. Every “Why?” must be followed by a probable “Because...”.
The risk, of course, runs as the now fashionable ‘information overload’ that comes with misgivings of its own. So at what point does one decide, “This can wait”?
I have laid out the battle I deal with almost every day. The merits of being fore-armed could not be emphasised more, now that my child is quickly growing out of his ‘little’ status into a young boy still not old enough to be ‘big’. So how does one separate these tags? When I tell my son that he cannot handle a serrated bread knife but can go right ahead and make his own scrummy sandwich and, yet, will have to wait a while longer before he can turn on the toaster unsupervised, he becomes a little frump, totally convinced that it is ‘I’ who is “all confused” and does “not know anything”.
Cute? Yes. True? YES! So now, please tell me, is it time that has grown since we were children or are we letting our children grow up before their time? I am torn between the two schools. While I agree that because of the exposure our children have today, we need to carefully carve their personal awareness; I also vehemently disagree that a child be allowed to question every instruction given. Sometimes, “do this”, should be reason enough for things to be done.
Children are children not solely on the basis of chronology, but because of their innocence. In answering every question ‘accurately’, are we not taking away some of the wonder from their being? I worry that we are compromising the very aspect that makes them so endearing.
Why is it that we marvel endlessly at a child fashioning a cat out of two bangles or flexing a ring out of discarded wire? As children ourselves, we were always improvising. So why is there this hue and cry at a glimpse of natural human behaviour decades after our childhood? These are our children, not robots!
Or, is it that the vast knowledge bank we have made accessible to them has, in turn, made them predictable? Mechanical, even. So much so, that the slightest deviation from the norm inspires frenetic acoustics.
The lengths some of us go to, to celebrate creativity in our children is, quite frankly, laughable. While talent must most certainly be cultivated and even cherished, we need to take a moment and look around. These are children! Their minds are meant to be bereft of any walls. They are springs of only fresh thinking. Creativity IS them.
But the society we keep today and the demands of our lifestyles have somehow engendered a growing detachment from childlike fantasy, impossible characters, star dust and sweet dreams. We know that imagination is the essence of innovation. By inadvertently moulding experience even before it can form, I fear, we are eliminating the very core of novelty.
We spend most of our lives being adults. Our children have but a few years of untainted innocence to look back on forever. I believe it is of utmost importance that we nurture this jewel.
As for potent questions on life at large, surely, we can let those rose tints stay on just that little bit longer.
~
Comments