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What gives?

Also published by North BangalorePost on June 29, 2018,
in light of WHO declaring gaming a mental disorder.
Two media reports on WHO including 'gaming disorder' in its International Roster of Disease, a school advisory and a massive hoarding for an online coaching course, got me thinking on my way back from school-drop. 

My Son is high on the success of a social media campaign and app which he believes has given him purpose in life. He is 16, runs his own not-for-profit website and does a lot of his homework on the laptop. But he is a kid at the same time and sneaks in the extra wandering in cyber space.

He is far from addicted to any sort of gaming, but when on a digital high, he will not accept that his sudden bouts of unexplained irritability, fatigue or even a dull throb in his head could be related to prolonged screen-time. He will not consider, without a fight, that football on the field need not be followed up with team-trading on the gaming console. Or, that keeping messaging apps open while completing worksheets will only make him retain less. Until, that is, he is banned from all screens for a week and the snarkiness slowly gives in to his trademark twinkling eyes and witty humour… and the realisation that screen-time, indeed, needs to be on a tight leash.

While I concede that today’s tech savvy generation cannot be administered a blanket ban on screens, pop quiz-times at home give me a lot to wonder about where our kids are going. Take this one, for instance:
Me: You are marooned on an island. Name three life-essentials that you think of first.
My Teen (spontaneously): Phone, tower, power.
Me (eyes roll):  Try again.
My Teen: And! Kindle.

This, from a generally balanced kid who shreds rock guitar, reads a lot of paper books and brings home muddy football gear as well. I glare at the light of my life grinning mischievously at me and seriously consider family digital detox, when my phone buzzes with a School update. It is an advisory to contain students’ screen times with a strict warning against social media group memberships. Reason – severe physiological and mental health risks.

I showed my child the warning and waited for the explosion. There was utter silence except for the chorus of incoming message pings. The head-bent-over variety of furious typing that followed is the stuff psychologists and orthopedicians build their fortunes on.
Me: You ok?
Teen: Leave me alone!
Me: Gladly…
My Teen: Seriously, ma! This is not fair! Have you mothers complained to the school or something?!

Now, I ask you, is this the only kind of uncontested, and undue, credit we mothers can expect?  

High-decibel tantrums let the neighbours know we were in. 
Me: Finish your milk and go, take a walk.  
My Teen: Yeah, whatever.
(Angry bird storms out). 

 I ignored the mono-vocabulary of ‘whatever’ for all things awkward but with the IAD-IGD lexicon swarming my senses, I quickly checked that his phone was wired to the charger, away from his person. He needed the air and not all behavioural changes can be archived under ‘changing times’.

In giving our children the obsessive and all-consuming license to connect with worlds unknown and effectively disconnect with their immediate reality, we have fed a monster beyond our control. What exactly are we doing wrong here?

Do write in.

~~
^Also see the June 29, 2018 article by North BangalorePost.
^Are you an addict? An avid gamer guides you out of it here.

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Comments

Unknown said…
Parenting, certainly has become tougher and you don't get a second chance to play it differently. What is the limit of supervisory overview parents can exercise is of anyone's guess. Setting an example, being open and ensuring more family time, I feel, can only help.
28 June 2018 at 14:15
Humblog Humblog said…
That's an objective essay of our world today. I can understand the fears of parents today:the worry of incursion of the internet into our lives. Will our children find shore in these uncharted waters? When the world is going north, do we point our kids south because that's our comfort zone? Parenting has always had its sleepless nights. This too shall pass, and make way for other worries.
29 June 2018 at 08:53
Vaishali Yedur said…
I can totally relate to this article as I have a 14 year old son and we are going through this exact same phase in our Home. My son is glued to his ipad or phone or the laptop screen for hours one end.Here are a few things I'm doing to this "Elephant in the room " situation that the parents are facing these days, I make sure we spend more quality time with our son,and restricting the number of hours he spends with his gadgets is another thing we try to follow.And last but not the least is that I myself try to stay away from the gadgets as much as possible because I believe that kids are keen observers and they definitely observe the parents and the things they are doing,so parents should minimise the usage of gadgets themselves and engage with their kids are often as they can.
29 June 2018 at 10:39
reader, 'riter, runner said…
I do relate to this, and my kids aren't yet into their teens. But, before we enforce screen time cuts, we should put down our own phones for a while and hope to set an example.
29 June 2018 at 11:20
uj said…
Got me thinking. Lovely article. We all know, as parents, the narrative has to change. But how is that to happen? A kid today is happier getting likes on his/her pic than by scoring a goal at a football game. Social network acceptance is more important than social acceptance. They don’t need to make friends or interact when they go out. They already have more than a thousand friends on fb. Maybe that’s how it’s meant to be today. Maybe not. Who knows? Maybe we should whack some sense into them. Wait! You can’t do that nowadays, right?
29 June 2018 at 16:09
Sujata said…
Gadget addiction.... A boon or a bane? Its very disheartening to see young parents taking pride in the fact that his/her child is adept at handling an i-pad/I-phone even before they can speak. Simple pleasures of spending time with family / extended family have become a distant dream. Rather than blaming kids we need to ask ourselves... who is responsible for this? All fingers point towards US . As parents most of us find it easy to give our phone to our child to keep him occupied only because we are too busy doing our own things or have minimal patience to satisfy their curiosities. Early in their life our kids should be made to understand that Gadgets are only a tool to gain more information or knowledge. They can never be a substitute for friends or family. Practice simple things like while having a dinner together you will spend quality family time rather than having a TV noise in the background or a phone in your hand.As parents we need to inculcate these good practices rather than moral policing them. Be happy with the fact that your child is gadget savvy in keeping with times but stay alert to the fact that he doesn’t become a slave to these gadgets
29 June 2018 at 17:43
Renu said…
Parenting has never been easy. Riding the pretty steeped third wave of change of the info age after the longer and smoother agro and the industrial era wave, the task has become even more challenging.

The only silverline I see on the horizon is that the gennext is pretty smart and endowed with extra grey matter. It will be able to ride happy and sail through, if given a free hand and if enough confidence is shown by the mentors.

It is time we only concentrate on improving on the physical, mental and spiritual well being of the child and induce the higher grounds of ethics and morality through examples, personal or otherwise. Rest of the things will fall in place with time as the new generation finds its true place in this fast changing world.
30 June 2018 at 08:57
Behram J. D. said…
Part of human evolution ... bound to happen!
30 June 2018 at 14:05
Unknown said…
I think parents should set an example by limiting screen time while they are around kids. Since kids tend to mirror their parents habits most of the time. Setting ground rules like no using devices beyond a certain time or limiting gadget usage to a couple of hours a day. Also, parents should encourage kids to use their gadgets in common areas of the house such as the living room so that the online content and time spent can be monitored to a certain extent.
1 July 2018 at 13:52
Heartfelt999 said…
Lovely article..love the way u hve put it. I think kids r lonely so they tune into i pads n social media. Children dont play outdoor games much anymore.kids shud hve a regime of outdoor sport activities..ths wl give a boost.
7 July 2018 at 00:15
Unknown said…
Very well written Tejaswi. Something I am sure most parents relate to. There is an entire world inside those gadgets that seem to have absorbed these kids. Not sure if they will outgrow it with time else just get deeper into it. Certainly a food for thought for parents.
10 July 2018 at 09:13
anjali kariappa said…
Interesting piece! While technology is a part of our life and cannot be done away with, drawing the line and finding interesting avenues for children to invest their energies in, I think is the biggest challenge for parents of this generation. With parents already having overflowing schedules , a lot of times technology becomes the easy way out to keep children occupied. When this easy option is chosen when they are young, getting them off technology as they grow older becomes a herculean task!
16 July 2018 at 21:11
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