Is trust just a listed word?

Deccan Herald. Sunday, March 15, 2009 (ref: Full circle )http://www.deccanherald.com/Content/Mar152009/artic20090314124029.asp

A love-struck adolescent dished out 45 rupees for a single stalk of red rose. There were more in line for larger numbers and even gallant bouquets. Some others hovered ever so romantically about their belles while I simply watched with a smile in my heart. Inadvertently, though, I was also darting my eyes around protectively, just in case there was a vile party pooper, eagerly waiting for his hapless victims to make the first mistake.

To my relief, even the black cat decided against crossing the road and walked tamely along the pavement. What I also saw was an undeniable fear relegated to an external cache, certainly not accessible for that day.

In another part of the city, the Aero India show zipped ahead. The crowds on the ground thronged with a gusto overwhelming enough to match the daredevilry of fighter pilots manouvering their supersonic toys through heart-stopping flips and loops in the skies above.

Stringent security cordons ensured that all roads were safe and all checks secure. All hell, would have to wait for another time. But over the last few days, the more I’ve talked to people, the more I’ve heard of how many more would have liked to strut their charm and how many succumbed to voices that kept them wary of large or media-covered events, however tempting and fantastic they might have been.

I can’t but take my mind back to the new year’s eve party that I dared to attend – the crowd was unsettlingly sparse for an evening like that. I would mark it as the start of a year that spells continuous fears from various threats and equally consistent fight-backs to banish them. Inspite of the impenetrable security inside, outside the Ball, the unnatural quiet that heralded 2009, the general lack of enthusiasm to change that and others’ surprise that we chanced the venture out, testifies a rather sadistic victory.

And what makes this victory so very dangerous, is that it has paved the path for more such. Mumbai was not enough for these mongers of hatred; we now have to deal with a self-styled moral police with their most backward and outrageously sexist agendas. Our enemy is, again, the ill-informed religious fanatic, rooted in misguided faith, propagating monstrously deformed objectives.

Screaming out is one latent truth: a lovingly nurtured social framework, has come unhinged.

This realisation makes me sit tight and listen when my parents fondly reminisce about the times when I was growing up. Like a child at bed-time, I lose myself in far-away tales and mental pictures of well-attended picnics, walk-in neighbours, outlandish-houred dinners-on-demand, ten people in one kitchen fretting over the precise boil in the pickle on the hob, multiple attendants at a sick friend’s bedside, impromptu stay-overs and streets bustling with familiar chatter. A time when smiles rode over and above hurt. A time when people brought over other people just because they were around. A time when trust was not contemplated, it simply happened.

That was the time ‘communities’ thrived. Communities of people who shared interests. Communities of children who played because they were together. Communities of well-wishers who stuck by the other. Communities where everyone knew each other and if they didn’t, a new friend was quickly made.

C o m m u n i t i e s. Not ‘communal groups’. Not ‘ethnic affiliations’. Not ‘religious factions’.

“… finally, in response to India’s dossier of evidence. India refutes …”, runs the news channel’s bottom line across the television screen and the past instantly recedes into its designated crevice in memory. One order of gun-totters took it upon themselves to make a statement to the entire world. One body of ‘patriots’ retaliates with more bloodshed. One wing of moralists resorts to assault. India suffers anew.

As one line of division shows signs of erosion, another erupts afresh. The larger picture condenses to fit the microcosm of our little lives. Trust is just a listed word. Our neighbour stands suspect. We are watering a snake-pit under our organic turf. But think about it. How often do we find the pesky rodent in a well-tended garden?

Our busy lives, our exclusive lifestyles and our secluded life-scopes have left little room for anyone else. Within our unit-living, how much do we know about each other? What is our teenager thinking? Why is the spouse ill-at-ease? Who is talking?

I so often hear ricocheting claims of how members of the same family, living at the same address, catch mere glimpses of each other. So when does any productive exchange happen there? And when was the last time you looked into the adjacent garden to enquire about the ripened strawberry?

Our self-contained, high-walled existence has not only removed us from the larger world we live in, it has also made us disdainful of it. Anyone asking after our wellbeing, is an interference. Someone else walking on the same pavement, is an infringement. That friendly offer to alleviate trouble, is audacity.

This is our day. And this is what we learn: you are nice because you are not good enough to be bad, you are helpful because you don’t value yourself and if you value another, it’s because you don’t have a life!

When I moved to London, this level playing field of sorts gained more plinth. I was advised against any contact beyond basic courtesy – it would seem too desperate. When new neighbours moved in, I was to refrain from cordial welcoming – that would be intrusive. If that same neighbour got locked out, I was warned against assistance – it would be downright offensive!?

Policy: Live and let live. Method: Solitary confinement. Duration: Life.
Did I change that? Of course, I did. Was it appreciated? The people, who continue to wish us from across the seas on our special days, are the ones who were thrilled to share an afternoon over a cup of tea and smile while at it. What worked? Natural instinct, channeled pleasantly.

Back home, I look across and find that we (specially the current generation) are now at that point in the circle from which the West is quickly moving forward. While they have waded into a new circuit, we are dragging along the curve where our insular lives have rendered us susceptible to detriments of our own making. The West has lived it, suffered it, seems to be learning the lessons and is moving ahead. We need to head back.

Blame history, but in spite of it, I have found that there is little aversion to knowing the other. What there is, is fear. We are afraid of what the response will be. We are afraid of offending. We are afraid of defending. We are afraid of mistaken integrity. We are afraid of intention. We are afraid of who our new acquaintance could turn out to be.

It is not just the lack of time, then, that is the culprit because a quick ‘hello’, takes but a second. It is the uncertainty of what we don’t know. But how will we know, if we shy away from knowing? In the little community that I have around me, I smile at someone and they know me. Together we talk about unfamiliar faces and choose to let them know that we are there.

And terrible as this comes across, not for companionship, not for camaraderie but for sheer safety, now more than ever, we need to share the sugar bowl with those that are close by. It keeps them in check and keeps us aware. Who knows, this awareness could well re-build a cohesive and inclusive society where motives become selfless. Where humanity binds us once more. Where community takes another birth and we actually start caring for each other. And again, all ends well.

I live in that hope. I dream of a place where my child will delight in pleasures of the togetherness that I enjoyed. Maybe one day, in the future, when I tell the tales of him growing up, instead of drawing contrasts with elders, the way I do now, my child will be laughing ‘with’ me.

I am glad we’ve shown the courage to join in and enjoy our happy occasions. I am happy that unhappy hauntings failed to draw any victory on the psyche of at least the few of us that were out there, either regaling or serenading. I am grateful to the police and the defence forces for maintaining ‘normalcy’ inspite of the grave threat and foreboding uncertainty that hangs in the air.

In the last few days, we have refuted fear and beat those that perpetrated it. We need to do it again, as discriminators and merchants of hatred plant new seeds.

Beauty-crown-winning and easily understood as ‘world peace’, the only way forward lies right here, within us. It is as ancient as time. It is as persistent as life itself. It is as inevitable as childhoods of a few decades ago. It embodies itself in the tapestry of ‘community’. It is defined in the words: respect, compassion and regard. Throw in love, and we have laughter back in our lives.

~ http://www.deccanherald.com/Content/Mar152009/artic20090314124029.asp